In my search to promote That Damn Girl Stuff: A Mother’s Truth and get some feedback from moms, I went trolling for the top blogger moms. Googling top blogger moms, I check out the first link on the list, Best Mom Blogs of 2018. Okay let me try again. I click the second link Top 50 U.S. Mom Bloggers. Okay, maybe they’re not understanding me. By the 3rd link, Top 100 Mom Blogs Every Mommy Must Read in 2018, I go down a road I had not intended. I scrolled through the first 50, and I only spotted three women of color.
I know you may be thinking, “why is she turning this into a racial issue?” Trust me that was not my intent, but it’s hard to ignore the obvious. It’s like a brunette walking into a room full of blondes, who we all know have more fun. It never occurred to me that this would be my findings but in a world growing more divisive by the day, stuff like this starts to jump out at you.
Now the question is, what does this have to do with moms, regardless of race, and promoting my book? More than you would realize. See, although we’re all moms, I can tell by browsing some of the blogs, we don’t get down the same way when it comes to parenting. We don’t speak to our children in the same way. We don’t interact the same way.
How the hell am I supposed to relate to a bunch of Suburban Sarahs, Corporate Cathys and stay at home Stacys? None of those fit me or my character. I had my one and only child at 42 when I was good and mellow. Now I see a bunch of blogger moms with their DIY crafting @$$es making me question if I’m doing enough with my child. I love my child, but I don’t want to DIY a doggone thing. My fat ass don’t need to bake Halloween cookies. I’m not chauffeuring her to Halifax and back for a bunch of so-called team sports that no longer teach good sportsmanship. Top it off my favorite pastime is a good cigar and bourbon with my husband.
I knew when I had Morgan I was going to be a minority. I knew when my child turned 18 I would be a cute 65. Yes, there are plenty of women that have children in their 40’s, but it’s usually not their first. I can also safely say a good portion of those women aren’t black. If I’m wrong and you’re out there, please holla at your girl. I have family members my age with grandkids the age of my daughter. And one day the wrong person is going to ask me am I her grandmother and there is gonna be consequences and repercussions.
Now don’t get it twisted. I by no means regret having a child at 42. If you read my book you know, it was a choice, not an accident. I didn’t have her to be her best friend, I have my husband for that. I have no illusions about being one of those cool mom’s trying to wear my child's clothes to stay young looking (even though she wears mine and her dad's stuff way too much). I may not be able to offer her the young hip mom, but I offer her wisdom, value and a no-nonsense upbringing.
After having my daughter, I was constantly told I needed to have another child so she wouldn’t be alone. My response to them was that there is nothing cute about being pregnant in your 40’s unless you’re skinny, white, celebrity and can afford a nanny. Anyway, how many of y'all with siblings wish they never existed and made up your own family of life-long friends and relationships? How many of you with siblings had to go without because there wasn’t enough for everyone? I’m not saying there is anything wrong with siblings, I miss my sister every day for the last 11 years, but there is nothing wrong with being an only child. Many of us had thoughts of being an only child more than a few times in our life.
Well, with my googling I got a bit more specific by typing in black mom bloggers to get a better idea of how many are out there. Essence had their list of 18 Most Beautiful Black Mommy Bloggers Who Make it Work. (dammit get shorter titles). The next list had only eight. I did the same for Chinese, and their most recent list was from 2015. After that I stopped looking because black, white, green, or orange, they could not relate to me. I wasn’t looking to be fashionable, I know how to eat healthy but don’t, and my parental thinking is skewed by a southern upbringing.
No matter, they all kind of pissed me off anyway after I read some of their posts. If I chose to compare myself to the holistic, party planner, healthy diet, perfect lifestyle facade of these women, I would be bat *hit crazy. TO ME half of them look as if their children are accessories the other half look like hostages. I’m not about that life, so I’ll get on and catch y’all on the flip side.
Anyway, you’re only letting me see the perfect you with minor flaws, but as I mom I know them kids getting on your last damn nerve when they’re not being cute and dad is on a self imposed dad-cation. GET OFF YOUR @$$ and help her with them kids.
P.S. Little hint guys. Most of the time she doesn’t want your help because she wants to be able I do it by myself and I make it look good. We only want you to step in when ALL OF YOU are getting on our nerves.